What does it mean?

That is kind of a lofty topic for my first attempt at writing a blog. Except, it’s fitting. I am here to discover myself. The whys behind and the ways forward. I hesitate using this medium as my creative outlet. I can’t write complete sentences- heck I can barely complete a thought. I am however, just as annoyed at grammatical errors as the GND (girl next door-too long to write out). I am educated, I just did’t pay much attention, especially early on when you were taught all those damn rules. More on that topic later. So, feel free to gently correct any glaring grammar nazi no no’s. All I can to is to continue to improve. 

The GND definitions:

“The girl next door is a term used to describe a female archetype and fashion aesthetic which can range in terms of personal definition, but usually denotes a girl or woman who appeals to traditional or “all-American” gender norms with the allure of purity, simplicity, and charm, with a natural, modest, or effortless beauty.”

As defined by dictionary.com

“She lives next door, or in the neighborhood…

The type: She is cute, dresses cute (neither slutty nor pretentious), she is caring, kind, the type of girl you bring home to meet your family etc… A good girl, who also happens to be attractive.”

As defined by a Reddit User

I am left of those definitions because, for starters I was drinking socially by the time I was in 9th grade. So there goes purity… My first real boyfriend in 8th grade had to break up with me because his mother learned I smoke cigarettes and there went the type you bring home to mother!

Interesting that I brought alcohol up first. I am left for so many reasons. I sometimes wonder if I have a problem with alcohol, and not the way you’d think. More along the lines of its effect on my memory .

Side note. I am stream of conscious writing and as topics emerge I will either elaborate then or come back to.

I will tell you my zeal for sex also makes me left of GND. Slutty? I might have been.  Now I am just horny AF. All the time! My partner says I look as if I want to eat her, I sometimes feel as if I do want to.

I almost wrote current partner, I changed it because I would not want to offend her. This is what I do. I think about what she will think, what you will think. Then I sit, stare blankly at the screen, smoke a bowl, maybe a butt (more left examples) and listen to all the reasons I can’t do this. “I will fail at this journey. I am great at starting stuff. I just haven’t found what my passion is. How can you not have a passion? You’re so boring! How could you ever think you could write a BLOG!”

I am working towards stifling the voice in my head that inner critic. My inner critic is  very mean. Partly why I thought I blogging would be a good outlet to work through some of my issues while trying my hand at writing. This post is all over the place, I apologize I will become more organized. Progress, not perfection. I started, right? The ability to dabble my way towards finding answers through the use of my images and words excites me which only makes the inner bitch stir.

How do you keep your inner critic at bay? I’d love to hear what you do to keep yours at bay and if you have beaten yours altogether then PLEASE help me!

I am going to wrap and just say this: I have no idea where this will go, if my path will become clearer or not. My stories are real and mine, unless otherwise noted. I most definitely will change the names of my cast of characters. I would like to keep my tribe intact. Plus topics I plan to cover, a lot, are sex and mental health. Anonymity is comforting at the moment!




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